How to Cope With a Child's Chronic Condition

When life gives you lemons, folks say, make lemonade. But what if you don't know where to find the sugar, the spoons, or the pitcher?

That's how you might feel if you learn your child has asthma, diabetes, autism, or some other serious health or behavior problem.

"It's difficult for parents to realize when they're feeling overwhelmed, but they have the innate ability to handle a situation like this with skills they have used to face down disasters in their lives," says Olle Jane Z. Sahler, M.D., a pediatric hematologist in Rochester, N.Y. "In juggling their time and resources, they have to learn to apply basic problem-solving techniques."

Getting help

You can sharpen your problem-solving skills with a little help. Dr. Sahler and colleagues studied nearly 100 mothers of children with cancer or brain tumors. They found that moms who received one-on-one training in a style of problem-solving dubbed "Bright IDEAS" were less likely than others to suffer anxiety, depression, anger, and confusion.

Marketing expert Anne Addison, M.B.A., wrote One Small Starfish and Unfolding the Tent, about raising a special-needs child. Her son has Asperger syndrome, a form of autism. Putting aside emotion works best, she says. "I'm not here to fight a battle. I'm here to solve a problem."

Addison suggests you:

• Confirm the diagnosis. That's often not hard with physical ailments, but with developmental or behavioral problems, "you can waste a lot of time chasing the wrong diagnosis."

• Build a support team. "You need to find parents who have been down this road already and can show you how to manage your child's treatment, deal with therapists, and work with the school system."

• Heed the social side. "You need to ask how your child is feeling about this and how you can help find sources of strength, such as playmates, new friends, and new interests."

• Head off problems. If a child has diabetes, for instance, always carry the right snacks.

• Simplify your life. "Think about what you need in the way of regular exercise, therapy, and spiritual support."

Bright IDEAS

• Identify the problem.

• Determine your options.

• Evaluate the options and choose the best one.

• Act.

• See if it works.

Source: Olle Jane Z. Sahler, M.D.