Grandparents and Grandkids: Benefits Both Ways

Imagine the average 6-year-old. Would you think of good listening skills? Probably not. How about responsibility? Patience? No, these aren't things we usually attribute to kindergartners and first graders.

Yet children who have the opportunity to spend time with their grandparents or other older people often gain these and many other positive qualities.

You can benefit, too, whether you're a grandparent or a parent. For grandparents, watching a grandchild catch the very first fish or taking a grandchild to see the first ballet can be invigorating and revitalizing. Parents benefit, as well, gaining some time to themselves and watching as their child develops a broadening sense of family.

Without the pressures of the parent-child relationship, grandparents and grandkids can relate to each other in a relaxed and totally unique way. The grandparent has the advantage of being a family member and commanding a child's respect without having to be the child's primary disciplinarian.

Children need someone to feel good about them, experts say, and grandparents provide that. When you're older, you're a survivor. You've overcome many obstacles in your life. Children need to know this because many times they feel stuck, and older people can help them develop the internal resources to keep going.

Yet in spite of all it has to offer, the grandparent-grandchild relationship is often overlooked. It's usually up to the grandparent to get the relationship started, experts say. The best way to start is by planning activities to do together. Choose things that allow time to talk. Pull out the family photo album, for instance. Children look at the pictures and don't know who's in them. Grandparents can re-create the scenes and tell stories about the family.

One of the mistakes we make is thinking that older people only want to talk about the past, experts say. Children often don't think that older people have fun. In fact, grandparents may get a kick out of seeing what today's kids do for fun, and may even want to try out some of these activities.

A grandparent must be careful not to interfere with or contradict the parent's relationship with the child. When a grandparent counters something the parent has said, they may destroy the parent's confidence, or lose credibility with the child, experts say.

On the positive side, parents can be the ones to really get things going between the grandparents and grandkids. When the parent supports the relationship, it makes things easier all around. With everyone working together, everyone gains -- and a valuable part of family life is restored.